IRON MAN 2 **

TONY STARK (ROBERT DOWNEY JR.), ONE OF THE MOST INTERESTING CHARACTERS OF THE 2008 MOVIE SEASON, RETURNS AS ONE OF THE MOST OBNOXIOUS AND BORING CHARACTERS OF 2010 IN THIS PALE IMITATION OF THE ORIGINAL IRON MAN.  HERE, STARK, EGOMANIACAL AND FATALISTIC TO THE POINT OF MAKING US NAUSEOUS, IS CAUGHT UP SHORT WHEN HIS IRON MAN TECHNOLOGY IS DUPLICATED BY A SINISTER RUSSIAN DUBBED “WHIPLASH” (A BROODING MICKEY ROONEY) AND HIS OWN BUDDY COLONEL RHODES GIVES ONE OF HIS SUPER-SUITS TO THE MILITARY.  STARK’S UNRELENTING UNPLEASANTNESS IS MATCHED EQUALLY BY THAT OF HIS OTHER NEMESIS DR. HAMMER (SAM ROCKWELL), AND WE QUICKLY WISH THEY BOTH HAD “MUTE” BUTTONS SO WE COULD AT LEAST UNDERSTAND WHAT THE CHARACTERS THEY CONSTANTLY TALK OVER ARE SAYING.  PEPPER POTTS (GWYNETH PALTROW) AND “RHODY” (DON CHEADLE) GIVE US PEOPLE WE ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT, SCARLETT JOHANSSEN GIVES US A “KICK-ASS” STYLE WOMAN THAT’S NICE TO LOOK AT (BUT NOT NEAR AS INTERESTING OR HEROIC AS HIT GIRL), AND A NICE ACTION SEQUENCE AT THE END SALVAGES A PLODDING SECOND ACT, BUT OVERALL, THIS IRON MAN IS ONE RUSTY CLUNKER, ESPECIALLY WHEN COMPARED TO ITS GLEAMING PREDECESSOR.

FURRY VENGENCE *

A PROMISING PREMISE ABOUT ANIMALS FIGHTING TO DEFEND THEIR TERRITORY FROM GREEDY,  BUMBLING DEVELOPERS IS COMPLETELY WASTED HERE BY A BAD SCRIPT AND HORRID DIRECTING.  THE BUMBLING DEVELOPER IN THIS CASE IS BRENDON FRASER (HE OF “THE MUMMY” MOVIES), WHO IS A CAPABLE ACTOR, BUT IS ALLOWED TO DO LITTLE MORE THAN ACT STUPID IN THE FACE OF THE STEALTHY ANIMAL ONSLAUGHT WHILE HIS WIFE (BROOKE SHIELDS) SCOWLS AND HIS SON (MATT PROKOP) ROLLS HIS EYES AND IGNORES HIM.  A MENAGERIE OF BIZARRE SUPPORTING CHARACTERS PLAYED SO OVER-THE-TOP THAT YOU WONDER WHERE THEY ESCAPED FROM ARE MUCH MORE STRANGE THAN HUMOROUS, AND A PATHETIC, SENILE CARICATURE OF AN ELDERLY TEACHER IS DOWNRIGHT INSULTING.  PROKOP AND SKYLAR SAMUELS, AS HIS TEEN LOVE INTEREST, MANAGE A HINT OF GENUINENESS, AND SOME OF THE ANIMAL ANTICS ARE CUTE, BUT THEY’RE TOTALLY OVERWHELMED BY THIS TIDAL WAVE OF TEDIOUSNESS.  WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN AN ENVIRONMENTAL “HOME ALONE” STYLE COMEDY IS TURNED TO BORING MUSH INSTEAD.  DON’T GO!

KICK-ASS ***1/2 (R-RATED)

I DON’T GENERALLY TALK ABOUT R-RATED MAYHEM FILMS HERE, BUT THIS ONE IS SO ORIGINAL, WELL-DONE, AND ALSO SO IMPORTANT TO THE FUTURE OF KID ROLES IN STUDIO FILMS, THAT IT’S WELL WORTH A SHOUT.  AARON JOHNSON STARS AS DAVE, TEENAGE LOSER AND COMIC BOOK GEEK, WHO DECIDES ONE DAY TO “KICK IN” AND DO SOMETHING TO HELP OTHERS BY BUYING A GOOFY GREEN WETSUI, SOME NINJA STICKS AND ACTUALLY BECOMING A SUPERHERO (MINUS THE SUPER POWERS, OF COURSE--OOOPS).  THOUGH HIS ATTEMPTS AT CRIME-FIGHTING ARE PREDICTABLY CLUMSY, HE DOES MANAGE TO BECOME AN INTERNET SENSATION AND A FOLK HERO.  BUT HE ALSO STUMBLES RIGHT INTO THE MIDDLE OF A BLOODY FEUD BETWEEN A FAMILY OF BATMAN-LIKE VIGILANTES (NICOLAS CAGE AND THEN 11 YEAR-OLD CHLOE MORETZ) AND THE CRIME BOSS THAT FRAMED  DAD AND KILLED HIS WIFE.  THE BIG NEWS HERE, BESIDES THIS BEING JUST A WONDERFULLY-TOLD, GOOD OVER EVIL ACTION COMEDY, IS THAT THE KID STEALS THE SHOW!  AND I MEAN THE LITTLE KID!  MORETZ’S “HIT-GIRL” IS THE BEST ACTION ROLE FOR A PRE-TEEN WRITTEN IN AGES, AND SHE CARRIES IT OFF WITH THE KIND OF STYLE,  PIZAZZ, AND HEART WE HAVEN’T SEEN SINCE THE ‘TWEEN YEARS OF DAKOTA FANNING.  LET’S HOPE HER PERFORMANCE, AND THOSE BY THE REST OF THE YOUNG UNKNOWNS IN THIS FILM, WILL BLUDGEON THE TIRED NOTION THAT MOVIES FAIL WHEN THEY FEATURE KID STARS AS MERCILESSLY AS HIT-GIRL DOES NEW YORK MOBSTERS.  HIDEOUSLY VIOLENT, YET GLORIOUSLY DONE STORY-TELLING.

CLASH OF THE TITANS **

THIS REMAKE OF THE OLD 80’S FILM THAT TELLS THE GREEK MYTHOLOGICAL STORY OF PERSEUS AND THE GORGON (AND A FEW OTHERS THROWN IN) IS LITTLE MORE THAN YOUR STANDARD ACTION EPIC, MINUS THE HEART AND CHARACTER DEPTH THAT THE BETTER ONES IN THIS GENRE INCLUDE.  SAM WORTHINGTON (OF AVATAR) DOES A PASSABLE JOB WITH MINIMAL MATERIAL, FIGHTING GIGANTIC CGI MONSTERS AND POUNDING HOME THE DUBIOUS THEME THAT MEN SHOULD BE MEN AND NOT DEMEAN THEMSELVES WITH PALTRY NOTIONS LIKE SEEKING DIVINE HELP OR GUIDANCE.  SOME GREAT ACTION, BUT NOTHING MORE, AND THE 2D VERSION IS PROBABLY AS GOOD OR BETTER THAN THE 3D ONE.

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON ***

THIS WONDERFULLY FILMED AND SURPRISINGLY DEEP FILM FROM DREAMWORKS ANIMATION TELLS THE STORY OF HICCUP, A MISFIT VIKING KID WHO SAVES HIS PEOPLE BY BEFRIENDING A DRAGON (WHO HE NAMES TOOTHLESS), ONE OF THE VIKINGS’ PERENNIAL NEMESES.  JAY BARUCHEL’S DRAWL IS PERFECT FOR THE HAPLESS HICCUP, AMERICA FERRERA DOES A NICE TURN AS THE AXE-WIELDING GIRL OF HIS DREAMS, AND GERARD BUTLER IS PARTICULARLY EFFECTIVE AS HICCUP’S CONFLICTED FATHER.  THE ANIMATION HERE IS UNIFORMLY EXCELLENT AND AT TIMES BREATH-TAKING, ENHANCED DRAMATICALLY BY 3D.  WHILE THIS MIGHT BE A TAD INTENSE FOR PRE-SCHOOL TYPES, HERE’S A FINE, FUN, AND UNUSUALLY TOUCHING PIECE OF WHOLE-FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT.

DIARY OF A WIMPY KID **1/2

FAITHFULLY BASED ON JEFF KINNEY’S POPULAR BOOK, THIS FUNNY (AND TOTALLY UNREALISTIC) CHRONICLE OF 6TH GRADER GREG AND HIS STRUGGLES TO FIND HIS NICHE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL BLOWS EVERY PITFALL OF THIS AWKWARD AGE OUT OF ALL PROPORTION BUT STILL MANAGES TO BE MORE THAN JUST A SILLY CARTOON OR PARODY.  WHAT I DIDN’T LIKE IS THAT GREG (ZACHARY GORDON) IS SO UNLIKABLE.  YOU END UP ROOTING MUCH MORE FOR HIS OBLIVIOUSLY CLUELESS FRIEND ROWLEY (ROBERT CAPRON) AND THE UNIQUE AND SERENE-WITH-HERSELF ANGIE (CHLOE MORETZ).  I ALSO CRINGED AT THE STEREO-TYPICALLY BRAINLESS ADULT CHARACTERS, ALL OF WHOM WERE LITTLE MORE THAN MORONIC CARICATURES.  BUT ANTI-HEROES ARE IN VOGUE THESE DAYS, APPARENTLY EVEN IN KIDS‘ SHOWS, AND GREG EVENTUALLY GETS IT.  THIS WILL HAVE PRE-TEENS HOWLING AT THE MYRIAD OF MIDDLE-SCHOOL MISHAPS THAT GREG BEFALLS, AND PARENTS CAN LAUBH AT THE ABYSMAL MEMORIES THEY INSPIRE WITHOUT HAVING TO RELIVE THEM.  A FUN OUTING, BUT PERHAPS NOT AS SPECIAL AS IT COULD HAVE BEEN EITHER. 

ALICE IN WONDERLAND ****

WOW!  THIS SEQUEL TO THE CLASSIC ORIGINAL TALE BY LEWIS CARROLL OF A VICTORIAN-AGE GIRL WHO FALLS DOWN A RABBIT HOLE INTO A BIZARRE WORLD OF NONSENSE BURSTS WITH ADVENTURE AND DANGER AS A NOW-GROWN ALICE (MIA WAZIKOWSKI) FREAKS OUT AT HER ARRANGED ENGAGEMENT PARTY AND ONCE AGAIN ENDS UP AT THE BOTTOM OF A RABBIT HOLE, WHERE SHE THINKS SHE IS ONCE AGAIN DREAMING THE “DREAM” SHE HAD WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE, ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT EVERYTHING IS (AND WAS) REAL AND THAT SHE’S THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SAVE HER QUIRKY FRIENDS FROM THE EVIL RED QUEEN (HELENA BOHNAM CARTER) AND HER HENCH-BEAST, THE JABBERWOCKY.  A CLASSIC “HERO’S JOURNEY” WOVEN BRILLIANTLY INTO THE STYLE OF CARROLL’S BOOK, THIS WILDLY ENTERTAINING FANTASY DELIGHTS AND THRILLS BOTH KIDS AND ADULTS (THOUGH LEAVE THE PRE-SCHOOLERS AT HOME--THE JABBERWOCKY IS SERIOUSLY SCARY).  A DELICIOUSLY KOOKY PERFORMANCE BY JOHNNY DEPP AS THE MAD HATTER IS ADDED ICING ON THIS YUMMY TEA PARTY OF A FILM.  DON’T MISS IT!         

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